3 Great Lessons from The Rolling Stones

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“War, children, it’s just a shot away…” Lyrics from The Rolling Stones’ song Gimme Shelter are stuck in my mind this week. If you pay attention to the news, Gimme Shelter might be on your mind too.

Songs can lift us up, they can rile us up. Some songs soothe our souls and help us heal. Creativity, awareness, energy and joy flow from songs too. As Stella Adler wrote, “Life beats you down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.”

Remember Gimme Shelter’s soulfully hopeful line: “Love, sister, is just a kiss away.”

Arguably, the Stones have no peer. Sure, there’s the Mick Jagger factor. But in large part the Stones’ 50+ year hold on us is due to their “sticky” song lyrics. These lyrics stay with us because we can relate, because they touch on some universal truth of our human experience.

I dug into Stones’ song lyrics. What amazed me most? Many songs hold great lessons for work and life. Yeah, there’s sex, drugs and rock n’ roll, but three songs about failing, losing, and bouncing back leapt out at me.

Lesson 1: “Sometime you had to fail, don’t you know sometime you want to cry…”

No doubt you’ve suffered disappointments, my friend. Me too. The Stones really got it right, “sometime you had to fail”—isn’t that how our best learning occurs? The great Buckminster Fuller said, “there are no failures, only learners.” And, Walt Disney reminds us, “You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”

For many of us, the adage “when the going gets tough the tough get going” got drilled into us. We steel ourselves against mourning a failure, we do not permit ourselves the space to reflect—even cry. This can impact how well we learn from that “failure.” It may impact our bounce-back resilience and our willingness to risk putting our full selves into trying again.

Do not hold the unchangeable past against your present self. Give yourself permission to grieve for a set period of time (how about a 48-hour time limit). Then, in Stones’ shorthand, “let it bleed” and let it go.

Lesson 2: “I’m free to choose what I please, any old time.”

The Stones’ “I’m Free” gives us a vital lesson: we are free, in every moment, to make choices. We can choose how to feel, how to see the world, how to treat others and ourselves. With that freedom, we also must be ready to accept the consequences. However, so often I hear women, in particular, taking on perceived consequences in what to me sounds like self-blaming. A “I made bad choices” beat-yourself-up-mentality serves no useful purpose.

Be mindful. O wn your own choices, no one else’s—you are not the guardian of others’ freedom to choose how to act, think, and behave. Remember, Mahatma Gandhi said: “Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” Give yourself that freedom (and forgiveness) too.

Need a little more help with how to make great choices? Before the beloved Maya Angelou died, she wrote, “I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.”

Open your heart. Trust yourself, be responsible for your choices alone. If you choose to never make a mistake then please, let us all know how that impossible feat (and ultimately boring life) goes.

Lesson 3: “You can’t always get what you want…”

We can’t always get what we want rings oh so true. I’ve not often been accused of being a Pollyanna, yet I do believe that if we allow ourselves time to reflect, we typically find that we got the gift of exactly what we needed, a lesson that helped us take the next step on our life journey.

That lesson may not feel like a gift at the time. It may not have come at the time we felt most prepared to receive it. When we condition ourselves to give thanks for the gift of getting what we need, that gratitude propels us forward faster.

It can feel comfortable to default to false thinking that someone else always gets what she wants. Put away the comparison yardstick. Get to know that “someone else.” You’ll find that s/he experiences pains, losses, lessons and longings just like you do. And, if that fails, keep in mind what Thomas Edison said: “Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.”

Let’s get more comfortable with giving ourselves space to reflect, time to give thanks for the lessons: we just might find we truly do get what we need.

You Can Make It If You Try, “The Rolling Stones” 1964; I’m Free, “December’s Children (And Everybody’s)” 1965; You Can’t Always Get What You Want, “Let it Bleed” 1969

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