Lead With Kindness: You’ll Get Better Results

In the end, only kindness matters

What happens when we put kindness at the center of our leadership? There’s plenty of hard evidence that kind leaders get better results.

Emma Seppala, Ph.D, a Research Scientist at Stanford University and the Associate Director of the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University, details several studies in Being a Kind Boss Pays Off :

  • A kind leader may actually be good for “followers” hearts. In fact, a study out of the Karolinska Institute conducted on over 3,000 employees found that a leader’s qualities were associated with incidence of heart disease in their employees.
  • Employees feel greater trust with someone who is kind. Harvard Business School’s Amy Cuddy and her research partners have also shown that leaders who project warmth—even before establishing their competence—are more effective than those who lead with their toughness and skill. Why? One reason is trust.
  • Employees are inspired by kindness. Jonathan Haidt at New York University Stern School of Business shows in his research that when leaders are self-sacrificing, their employees experience being moved and inspired. As a consequence, the employees feel more loyal and committed and are more likely to go out of their way to be helpful and friendly to other employees .
  • Kindness leads to bonding which boosts employees’ health. A lack of bonding within the workplace has been shown to increase psychological distress. Meanwhile, positive social interactions at work have been shown to boost employee health—for example, by lowering heart rate and blood pressure, and by strengthening the immune system .
  • Kind leaders finish first. Contrary to what many believe, data clearly shows that nice gals (and guys) can actually finish first, as long as they use the right strategies that prevent others from taking advantage of them.

(See also Seppala’s article, Hard Data on Being A Nice Boss , at Harvard Business Review.)

It Ain’t Easy Being Kind?

“Even the briefest touch of kindness can lighten a heavy heart. Kindness can change the lives of people.” -Aung San Suu Kyi

As leaders, it takes conscious choice, moment-by-moment, to slow down and refocus minds, hearts, and actions away from individuality toward kindness. In the era of the Selfie, with self-promotion and personal branding prized, leadership grounded upon kindness sounds countercultural. Revolutionary in fact.

1393350772000-SonyaSotomayorFINALFINAL Also revolutionary is the idea that kindness equates to strength–not weakness. I loved when Sonya Sotomayor joined the U.S. Supreme Court and gave fair warning that her politeness should not be mistaken for weakness.

Why get acutely conscientious about being kind? Why risk being a revolutionary leader?

Beyond all the hard data showing that kind leaders get great results, the Dalai Lama reminds us:

…because my future and yours is connected with everyone else’s. So we have to take seriously our concern for all of humanity. When we focus on our individuality, humanity inevitably suffers, each one of us will suffer.”

Kindness Quotes to Inspire Revolutionary Leadership

  1. Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness. -Seneca
  2. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. –Leo Buscaglia
  3. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle. –Plato
  4. The more you extend kindness to yourself, the more it will become your automatic response to others. –Wayne Dyer images-3
  5. Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. –Lao Tzu
  6. A little thought and a little kindness are often worth more than a great deal of money. –John Ruskin
  7. Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you. -Princess Diana
  8. You cannot do a kindness too soon for you never know how soon it will be too late. –Ralph Waldo Emerson
  9. The best portion of a good man’s life is his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love. -William Wordsworth
  10. When someone is kind to you, you feel understood and seen. -John O’Donohue

Dear revolutionary leaders, try this simple nightly reflection:

Whose heart did I lighten today?  How will I do more of that tomorrow?

Amp up your leadership courage: Lead with kindness.

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Photo of Justice Sonya Sotomayor by Mary Altuffer, AP (2009).

5 Practices to Cure Worst Criticitis

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“Oh @*#+!” I berate myself just prior to taking a trip recently. Why did I put off some work I wanted to get done before leaving? Why did I wait until the last minute to buy gifts I wanted to take with me?

“Oh joy! You procrastinated,” proclaims my meanie-in-mind, “I get to run wild right now!”

My meanie-in-mind uses words like “always” and “never.” It lies glibly and smoothly. It takes its show on the road too. No doubt about it, procrastination exposes the worst critic I have: ME.

Worst Criticitis

If we’re honest with ourselves, we may find that we’re procrastinating to create situations that give us a rush of adrenaline and a chance to feel super successful: Procrastination, after all, generates a problem that we then get to solve.

There are a zillion pieces of advice on time management, on doing what’s important not what’s urgent. I love the thought of saying “no” to free up my time to say “yes” to what really matters most.

But if you’re anything like me, the real danger procrastination presents is not that you don’t get things done, that you don’t produce great results. The danger is that procrastination promotes ‘Worst Criticitis,’ a term I’m coining to describe that chronic condition in which the unkind voice in your head, your rascally roommate, your self-talk monster, gets to whisper or shout the silliest and cruelest of things when you procrastinate.

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5 Practices to Cure Worst Criticitis

“If mean words keep popping up in your mind, don’t let them drop down and poison your soul.” - Marie Forleo

Curing Worst Criticitis is going to take daily practice. Fortunately, Linda Graham ‘s advice will help. Graham’s book, Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being , won the “Books for a Better Life Award” in 2013, and the 2014 “Nautilus Better Books for a Better World Award. Her article, Can Self-Compassion Overcome Procrastination? , offers five practices to begin using today to cure our Worst Criticitis:

  1. Stop whatever you’re doing and ask yourself several times a day , “What am I experiencing in this moment, right now? Is there any negative self-talk, self-blame, self-shame going on here? Set a timer to make sure you do this self-care check!
  2. Pause, put your hand on your heart or your cheek, and say to yourself, “Oh, sweetheart!” Graham writes that this simple gesture of self-kindness activates our caregiving system (rather than the ever-present self-judging system of the inner critic) which begins to relax the grip of the negative. This opens our minds and hearts again to self-acceptance, and then to choices and possibilities.
  3. Trigger self-compassion with daily affirmations. You can keep it simple, “I feel safe in this moment. I am free of fear, stress, anxiety.” Or, print out, post prominently, and try my “ 10 Super Cs .”
  4. Allow yourself to drop into a moment of calm. Breathe as you say an affirmation, notice a sense of soothing and comfort.
  5. Choose to do something that will help you feel a sense of movement in a good direction that doesn’t involve an adrenaline rush . Graham says, “It doesn’t necessarily have to be about the task or project you may be procrastinating about. Re-direct your attention to something pleasant, nourishing, rewarding, meaningful; take a few moments to do express gratitude for some source of goodness in your life before resuming your tasks of the day; talk things over with a good friend or friendly colleague; notice that you are creating more ease and better coping around whatever you choose to do next.”

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Sweethearts

Use Valentine’s Day as the anchor for curing Worst Criticitis, that meanie-in-mind that keeps you from joy in all your relationships, including the most crucial lifelong one, the relationship you have with YOU.

Go on, Sweetheart, you’re worth it.

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Masked Procrastinator image via firstthingsproductivity.com.

Creative Creatures: 5 Questions You Must Answer

Creativity takes courage

Got the creativity gene(s)?

One thing I love about my coaching practice is that I am encircled by highly creative people. Creative Creatures’ minds race daily with terrific ideas for solving problems, bringing joy, igniting beauty, and making the world better for at least one other person, likely more.

Trouble is, many of us don’t know how to convert our limitless creative ideas for books, for businesses, for birthing our amazing ideas into the world in tangible ways. And, without a partner in the process to bolster our courage, we may find our creative ideas fade away.

If your list of creative ideas multiples daily, you’re not alone.

In talking with an extraordinary idea person last week, I realized that my Creative Creatures quick consults (15-20 minutes) revolve around five initial questions. These questions are intended to help Creative Creatures begin to find the balance between creative chaos and the order and structure so  needed to make ideas come to life.

Five Questions To Answer First

What’s your one brightest burning idea?

Nope friend, not your daring dozen today, just one that is really burning in your gut, your heart, your mind. The one, even loose idea that you cannot live without acting upon, that on your death bed you’ll grimace and say “I shoulda…” if you don’t commit to the hard work and hustle it will take to make it happen.

How have you captured that idea?

Sorry sweetheart, if it isn’t written down, recorded, or somehow documented beyond telling me right now, take a moment and reflect upon how much you really value the idea. Get it down somehow, somewhere, right now. Paint it, write it, draw it, type it, record it—get that baby down.

Who is already creating (or has created) something like this?

Yes, you fantastically creative soul, hate to break it to you but there are likely no 100% “new” ideas. That stings, I know. This means you can learn from others who have a similar idea and find out how they successfully brought it into the world. Most importantly, what failed about the idea along their path to success? How can you find out?

Now, don’t take this to mean I’m telling you to imitate others (though our Moms told us that’s the height of flattery), or that because someone else has already done something like your creative idea that you shouldn’t go for it… There is no one like you, you’ll bring new life to it because it is yours, using your unique gifts!

What’s one step you’re willing to take?

Yep, I mean it when I say I love your creativity and need to know before we work together:  Are you willing to take action?

Ouch. As Creative Creatures you have infinite idea-power but unless you’ve got the R & D resources of Apple and can assign your concept to a multi-year team, YOU have to take action. Honestly, I don’t want to invest our time—and your money—if you’re not ready to take action. So what’s your one step?

How will you be accountable?

It’s often about the homework, honey. Creative Creature, you’re already a student of life, a dream-weaver and a story-maker. It is super important that you have a trusted, reliable accountability partner in this creative-idea-comes-to-life process (whether that is me or someone else).

If you’re willing to share, shine and sharpen up your creative idea each week as “homework,” I’m pretty confident that you’ll successfully move from your beautiful mind to the wide world outside.

Find accountability partner and get them to nail you down: “I’ll do X by Y date.” Without that accountability piece, I suspect your idea will go the wayside of all those other racing creative ideas you get and forget.

Get Your Courage On

Creative Creatures, these first five questions count. Are you ready to focus your courage, energy and creativity on bringing your “it” tangibly to life? I hope so, the world needs you!

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Beliefs & Ideas Like Virginia Creeper

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Walking with my mother in the fall, I snapped the picture above. I found it gorgeous and shared it to rave reviews, musing that perhaps I could have a career in photography (if I bought an actual camera).

Mom, a long-time gardener, warned me, “Don’t be fooled. That’s Virginia Creeper. It’ll take over.”

Parthenocissus quinquefolia , aka Virginia Creeper

Master Gardener Susan Patterson writes: “Many gardeners become incredibly frustrated with Virginia creeper. This five-leaved ivy is a prolific woody vine that climbs quickly, choking out everything in its path. This includes other flowers, trees, shrubs, fences, walls, gutters, poles and even windows. Virginia creeper is especially aggressive when planted in the shade.”

Bonnie L. Grant counters: “A vigorous and fast growing vine, Virginia creeper is an outstanding plant for nearly any soil and light situation. Growing Virginia creeper vine provides a nearly carefree addition to the landscape. Virginia creeper maintenance is limited to light pruning and tying up. It produces one of the most spectacular color displays of fall.”

Our Beliefs, Ideas

A bit like Virginia Creeper, our long-held ideas and beliefs, even ones that appear beautiful and worthy at some point, can later choke our growth. Think about something you have believed about yourself, others, or situations:

What would happen if you ripped out that idea or belief and planted something new?

Tending Your Garden

If you suspect that pruning, tending, or potentially replacing ideas or beliefs will help you live more fully, here are some actions to try:

  • Organize a personal board of directors , truth-tellers who can reflect with you.
  • Find a mentor , someone who with experience to test what you think or believe.
  • Hire a coach as a sounding board, a person to help you get clear and potentially formulate new ideas, new goals.
  • Consult friends or family who have a stake in your well-being; ask them to use open-ended questions in your conversations (not “Do you…” but “How are you…”).
  • Read deeply around the ideas or beliefs—especially contrary views—to ones you’re holding to expand your knowledge or shake-up your thinking.
  • Keep a journal and ask yourself questions like: “What are others ways to think about X…” “How well is this working for me?” “What would happen if I changed…”

Tend your garden of ideas and beliefs in the sunshine, dear readers. You’ll grow and thrive when you do.

Be well,

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A Self-Coaching Practice You’ll Love

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Isn’t it funny how some messages seep in and stick, even those we know positively stink?

“ You can never be too rich, too thin, or have too many silk blouses.”—Wallis Simpson, Duchess of Windsor

Years ago my undergrad roommate placed that infamous Simpson quote on our fireplace mantle. Her mother thought it was the perfect housewarming gift for young university women. No, it wasn’t the 1950s. And yes, it does sound eerily like Real Housewives’ taglines.

That quote resided on our mantle, its careful Mom-created calligraphy rankling me, until I ‘disappeared it.’ (Sorry Jill, if you’re reading this, mystery solved and my apologies for not having the guts to tell you I’d trashed it back then.)

Much as I despised Simpson’s message, decades later I still remember it verbatim. It is what I call a “stinky” message. Each time I see, hear or read stinky-sticky-self-deflating messages, it’s like sniffing rotten tomatoes. Unfortunately, the stench is everywhere and leaders, as much as anyone, are inundated with stinky messages about how to look, act and be.

Stinky Messages Suck Your Energy

Stinky messages use up energy, brain and heart space leaders need for much more important thoughts, feelings and actions at work and at home too.

Stinky messages typically have a competitive and comparative bent to them. Someone looks better, possesses more, creates greater profits, or simply has an easier time leading. In this way, stinky messages and images chip away at self-confidence because they foster the feeling that you are not enough or are not trying hard enough .

Stinky messages tend to rest in the back of your mind, at the ready to leap forward when you struggle, falter and fail. They waltz smoothly with your all too natural self-judgment, what Arianna Huffington calls “the obnoxious roommate” in your head, that voice of unhelpful self-criticism .

Stinky messages often masquerade as self-improvement challenges. Fill in these blanks: I’m too __________; I’m not ___________ enough. Therefore I must ___________. Marketers and leadership “experts” love to play both on your fears and your inner drive to excel with stinky messages that promise if you buy X good or service, you’ll be measure up.

Beat-Downs Be Gone

Stinky messages are beat-downs you don’t need in 2015! Stop stinky messages in their tracks: G ive yourself permission to sniff them out quickly—acknowledge them for what they are—and focus on increasing your self-compassion .

Kristin Neff, Ph.D. has spent over a decade creating a scientific basis for understanding and expanding self-compassion. Neff explains that self-compassion involves three essential components that would be a great addition to a leadership job description:

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In her 2011 article, “ Why Self-Compassion Trumps Self-Esteem ,” Neff  writes, “Rather than pitting ourselves against other people in an endless comparison game, we embrace what we share with others and feel more connected and whole in the process. And the good feelings of self-compassion don’t go away when we mess up or things go wrong. In fact, self-compassion steps in precisely where self-esteem lets us down—whenever we fail or feel inadequate.”

Another self-compassion researcher, Emma Seppela, Ph.D., distinguishes self-esteem from self-compassion succinctly, “Where self-esteem leaves us powerless and distraught, self-compassion is at the heart of empowerment, learning, and inner strength.”

XOXO from You to YOU:  A Self-Coaching Practice

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Leaders, are you game for a little “self-compassion/self-coaching” in the New Year?

Let’s take some time-tested musical advice: I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter* is one of the most recorded American songs of all time…

“I’m gonna sit right down and write myself a letter, And make believe it came from you, I’m gonna write words oh so sweet, They’re gonna knock me off my feet, A lotta kisses on the bottom, I’ll be glad I got ‘em”

The song is a classic. It still resonates today with its simple message of self-compassion. There’s something empowering, even liberating about writing ourselves a love letter . Mark Twain agrees, “The frankest and freest and privatest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter.”

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So leaders, your “self-compassion/self-coaching” assignment is to sit right down and write yourself a love letter from you to YOU.

Make it a habit, do it each week.

Your leadership love letter can be an email, but writing it by hand works your brain differently so I encourage you to write rather than type.

We may never totally outsmart stinky messages, but practicing self-compassion will definitely help grow us as a leaders, as people. Use this permission slip frequently during 2015, please, you’re definitely worth it.

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Kristen Neff’s book , Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind ,” is a gem. Emma Seppela’s article : How to Practice Self-Compassion at SpiritualityHealth.com. offers additional, terrific self-compassion practices.

*I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself A Letter was first recorded by Fats Waller in 1935. The Broadway musical Ain’t Misbehavin’ includes this song. In his 2012, Paul McCartney borrowed from the song’s lyrics to name his album “Kisses on the Bottom.”

Images : Permission Slip via victoriamunoz.com, Dr. Neff’s 3 essentials from www.mindfulnessandcompassion.i.e., and record courtesy rateyourmusic.com . Twain quote/image via @RomanJancic.

A Philosophy for Future-Proofing

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I’m a sucker for juicy courtroom dramas. Give me a battle of wits, of oratory. Confront me with questions of good versus evil. Please try to confound me with ample shades of moral grey. The film adaptation of John Grisham’s A Time to Kill (circa 1996) does just that. It gives us great courtroom drama and more. It offers a powerful philosophy for employee development.

The film’s protagonist is a young lawyer defending a man who admits to killing two men, men who raped and tortured his daughter. Swirling around our affable, handsome protagonist are issues of loyalty and strategy, race and love, truth and justice, politics and power. Underlying fuel for the dramatic tension: the inexperienced lawyer isn’t ready for the job at hand.

As the trial nears its close, the young lawyer desperately turns to his mentor, his legal idol, for guidance on how to present the closing argument in a way that will win the jury’s hearts—and thus the case—something he is convinced his mentor could magnificently do. The mentor responds, “Don’t be me, be better than me.”

Don’t be me, be better than me! Isn’t that really what we want for all our employees?

If you hesitate in saying “yes,” you’ve got some self-reflection to do my friend. If you balk at investing in individualized development from the minute an employee is on-board, you (and your business) are on shaky ground. If developmental opportunities aren’t the cornerstone of your recruiting approach, you’ve likely got a BP-sized leak in your talent pipeline.

But you’re definitely not alone.

A recently released study, Great Expectations: Insights from the Accenture 2014 College Graduate Employment Survey , paints a startling development picture—at least in the United States.

Polling two thousand 2014 college grads, researchers asked grads about their workplace expectations and compared those expectations with the experiences of recent grads already in the working world. The vast majority of 2014 graduates, 80 percent, expect their first employers to provide them with a formal training program. Over half (52%) of students who graduated from college in the past two years say they did not receive training and development opportunities in their first job.

The upshot of the report? “In the area of developing and maintaining their talent supply chain—how employees are hired, developed and deployed to optimally support business strategy—too many companies are neglecting the all-important entry-level positions from which many of their top-performing employees will emerge.”

Future-proofing our businesses—in fact our world—depends on us giving others the opportunity to learn and grow beyond our own capabilities. In this world of rapid change, of global competitiveness, we need to ground our entry-level and onward employee development in a “Don’t be me, be better than me” philosophy.

How might we begin shifting ourselves toward this philosophy?

First, we’ve got to work on ourselves. If not-so-deep-down you’re thinking, “she’ll leave me if she develops too much,” or “she’ll make me look bad because she’s grown beyond me,” or “I didn’t get development opportunities so why should I give them to him,” tough leadership love time: those fears are about you and your ego, not about your business.

Second, set aside time, reasons/excuses and reflect. Don’t let real or imagined worries about the cost of employee development get in the way of your reflection. Instead, sit in freedom for a moment and ask yourself, “If I could create the most incredible array of developmental opportunities for my employees, what would that look like?” And ask, “Given my own experience, what developmental opportunities would have made a huge difference in my career?”

Third, moving toward a “Don’t be me, be better than me” philosophy requires great hearing. You read this right, hearing not listening, there’s a difference. Listening sessions with employees about what they really want and need to develop becomes hearing when you take their words, their longings, and empower them to take action that you actively participate in too. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll fund all their desires, simply joining in their developmental vision is an incredible place to start.

Of course, there is no surefire way to future-proof your business. But I suspect that if we all adopt the “Don’t be me, be better than me” philosophy, we’ll be well on our way to guaranteeing the adaptability, creativity, and agility that sustainable success in the 21st Century demands.

(I was honored to originally publish this in eMile People Development Magazine May 2014, the themed issue on employee development.)

Tagore Lessons for Living Awake

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Want to have a better year? Keep Awake!

I’m not saying sleep deprive yourself (more).

Please don’t deaden your senses further with the busy addiction you’re so accustomed to.

And stop trying to squeeze more “stuff” into your closets and your days. I mean: Make more moments matter by paying closer attention and reflecting on what each of your senses is experiencing.

You have enough time when you focus on making more moments matter. Pay closer attention to whoever you are with, wherever you are! Take a lesson from butterflies…

The butterfly counts not months but moments and has enough time.” –Rabindranath Tagore

What inspires you?

When I start becoming dulled in my daily routine, I turn to music, to nature, to art, and to words that inspire me. I reach out to connections who “know me” and some who don’t know me at all. People shake me back awake because my ears need to be wide, wide open to really listen.

Since I can’t be physically with you all to sing, dance, and maybe drag you out to look at the sky, I’ll share some ‘wake up’ words I treasure from Rabindranath Tagore.

The first non-European to win the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1913, Rabindranath Tagore was a poet, short story writer, song composer, novelist, playwright, essayist, and painter. In his 80 years (1861-1941), he brought humanism to the world in a way that hadn’t happened before.

what I love about you 7 Tagore Lessons

I encourage you to use these seven Tagore quotes to keep dreaming, striving, serving, hoping, and living more moments awake in 2015.

Serve to find joy. “I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and beheld that service was joy.”

Take action. “You can’t cross the sea by merely standing and staring at the water.”

Make a heap of mistakes. “If you shut the door to all errors, truth will be shut out.”

Be ready to receive. “Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it.”

Keep it simpler sweethearts. “It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.”

Expand your reach. “Reach high, for stars lie hidden in you. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.”

Look for love in all the right places. “We live in the world when we love it.

This year, let’s stay awake, let’s pay closer attention, let’s love every moment more. Let’s hold onto that awareness regardless of the noise from those who may wish us to keep busy and feeling such scarcity and fear that we fall asleep.

Rabindranath Tagore ’s Gitanjali

“Where the mind is without fear

and the head is held high,

where knowledge is free.

Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls.

Where words come out from the depth of truth,

where tireless striving stretches its arms toward perfection.

Where the clear stream of reason has not lost it’s way

into the dreary desert sand of dead habit.

Where the mind is led forward by thee

into ever widening thought and action.”

(excerpt)

Happy, Happy New Year of being more awake than ever!

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How to Create Your 2015 Manifesto

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One of the best ways to build strength and focus in 2015 is to create a manifesto.

A manifesto is like a compass not a map. It’s a declaration of principles, beliefs and intentions. It’s a rallying cry:  statements or images or even just one word that embodies what you stand for.

The example (above) is Mars Dorian’s work. A visual story-teller and online illustrator, Dorian brilliantly combines images and words into a manifesto that really packs a punch.

Because I want your manifesto to be something you print, post, and read every day as a reminder of what’s truly important to you, here are a few examples and how-to questions to get you energized as you create your unique manifesto.

Example Manifestos

Manifesto 1 Manifesto 6
Manifesto 7
Manifesto 2

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Apple’s Manifesto

Apple uses an 8-point manifesto. One of the things I love most about this manifesto (even if I’m not an Apple evangelist) is that SAYING NO is explicit!

1. We believe that we’re on the face of the earth to make great products.

2. We’re constantly focusing on innovating.

3. We believe in the simple, not the complex.

4. We believe we need to own and control the primary technologies behind the products that we make and participate only in markets where we can make a significant contribution.

5. We believe in saying no to thousands of projects so that we can focus on the few that are meaningful to us.

6. We believe in deep collaboration and cross pollination in order to innovate in a way others cannot.

7. We don’t settle for anything other than excellence in any group in the company.

8. We have the self-honesty to admit when we’re wrong and the courage to change.

Just Three Words: You, Your Loved Ones, Your Work

I also love how Chris Brogan creates his annual manifesto in just three words. Chris is the awesome author of books like Trust Agents and The Freaks Shall Inherit the Earth , and he leads the Owner Media Group . (If you don’t know Chris, put getting to know him near the top of your priorities list this year! You’ll be very glad you did.)

Here’s how Chris Brogan picks his 3-word manifesto for the year:

Make the first word about yourself, the second about your loved ones, the third about your business.”

Unknown Questions to Create Your Manifesto

What do you believe / what drives you?

What do you NOT believe?

What were some of the biggest lessons you’ve learned last year?

What do you do consistently, even if you have to fight for it?

What’s one thing you’re great at and love; no matter what, you’ll do it?

What is one thing you’ll let go of or forgive yourself for?

One last awesome example from Mars Dorian (left) . Create-Conquer-VISUAL-Manifesto1-728x1024

When we don’t know where we’re going we’ll end up someplace we don’t want to be.

Write your manifesto for 2015 and may it be the compass that guides your path in joy-and-success-filled ways!

May 2015 be your best year yet!

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Want to Change? Shake Up Your Perceptions

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Conceptual artist Leandro Erlich’s work is brilliant and tricky. Like an optical illusion, Erlich’s work creates perceptions that fool our eyes and our minds. Above in Batiment , Erlich forces us to fill in the details of something we don’t quite understand with things that we believe we already know.

That’s the funny thing about perceptions. We blink and assume, we fill in gaps to quickly make sense of life.

Your Perceptions are Your  Reality

In the 18 th century, philosopher Immanual Kant proposed that reality is not an ordered universe waiting to be perceived by the human mind. Instead, Kant theorized that the human mind takes the chaos out there and orders, frames and structures it into the reality that we perceive. In short, “perception is reality.”

Want to make some changes in the New Year? Feeling tempted to call them New Year’s Resolutions? Be forewarned:  Just 8% of Americans who make New Year’s Resolutions keep them.

I’m not trying to rain on your resolutions’ parade. But as leadership guru Stephen R. Covey points out,“To change ourselves effectively, we first have to change our perceptions.” Let that sink in.

To change ourselves, we have to change our perceptions first. Since perceptions are reality, changing them is a pretty monumental undertaking, isn’t it? We’re talking about changing our reality. This is BIG! This requires preparation.

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5 Gentle Shake-Up-Your-Reality Tips

To get those change-juices flowing, here are my favorite quotes about perceptions, along with gentle tips to help you shake up your current reality in preparation for change:

1. Tony Clark, “But wandering through life, letting others create your perceptions, can make for a very unfulfilling life.” Before making any decision to change your perceptions, take a beat and check-in with how your perceptions were created in the first place. Are they really yours or someone else’s perceptions about how you ‘should’ look, think, act and be? Make sure you’re clear about the starting point in this change journey. If you don’t “own” the perception, you won’t own the change.

2. Stephen Colbert, “It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that’s not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.” At the risk of offending the mighty Colbert Nation, “perception is everything” is not original in the least. But Stephen is right about the facts. Get the facts first, from as many credible sources as you’re able, including sources you wouldn’t normally consult because they don’t “agree” with your current reality. Fact-finding prepares you for a reality shift.

3. Robert Anton Wilson, “We all see only that which we are trained to see.” How trained-ready are you to make the reality change you want? If you’re not trained at all, what do you need to do to get training, coaching, a peer support group, formal education or other informed support that will help you see, say and do things differently?

4. Laura Ingalls Wilder, “Persons appear to us according to the light we throw upon them from our own minds. To make and sustain the change you desire, who do you need in your corner? It’s time to look for unusual suspects, people who can support you in different ways than the same ol’ awesome peeps you have in your life now. And, its times to shift the light you throw on yourself too. Include one person in your life who is “different.” Do one thing you wouldn’t do in your present reality to start shaking things up.

5. David Sedaris, “Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.” I find Sedaris so achingly funny and a perfect source for lightening this change-talk up. Your mindset about what is “real” and what isn’t is so crucial. When you find yourself reverting to the fixed mindset that created or held tightly to the reality you wish to change, re-read this quote again. Giggle, a lot. Then go back over tips 1-4 to shake yourself out of that mindset.

Please Be Gentle, Prepare First

If you intend to make some changes in the New Year, begin changing your perceptions, your reality now. Please, be gentle with yourself and prepare thoughtfully. As Albert Einstein said, “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” It will take all the preparation and persistence you can muster to shake up and shatter whatever illusions you may be holding onto.

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*Images of the brilliant Argentinian artist Leandro Erlich ‘s work by © Henriette Desjonquères & Paul Fargues.

P.S. Let me know if I can help you with your reality change, that’s what I love, love, love doing!

My Mixed Feelings About #GivingTuesday

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Added to the calendar on the Tuesday following Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Cyber Monday, tomorrow is the third annual #GivingTuesday .

Jonathan Greenblatt , a Special Assistant to the U.S. President and the Director of the Office of Social Innovation and Civic Participation writes, “Through millions of online clicks and offline acts, we expect #GivingTuesday will take many forms, but all will be energized by a common impulse to make life better, especially for those in need.” And, the #GivingTuesday ™ website says, “It’s a simple idea. Just find a way for your family, your community, your company or your organization to come together to give something more. Then tell everyone you can about how you are giving.”

In short, #GivingTuesday is supposed to be the “#UnSelfie” day. Its gone global.

Confession time. I’ve been experiencing gut-churning mixed feelings about #GivingTuesday. What’s swirling underneath #GivingTuesday for me is the recognition of deep and ever-deepening inequality in the United States. Inequality that will remain untouched by a “common impulse” to give.

Americans & Giving

Americans are a nation of fairly strong givers. Globally, we rank 9th (out of 135 nations) for giving money to help others.

The Chronicle of Philanthropy analyzed IRS data and its recent report shows that “Americans who earn more than $200,000 reduced their charitable giving by 4.6 percent from 2006 to 2012, while Americans who earn less than $100,000 increased their charitable donations by 4.5 percent during the same period.” Or, as Quentin Fottrell reported in October , “There may be a reason the rich are getting richer since the recession — they’re giving less of their money to charity than poorer Americans.”

Last year, the #GivingTuesday creators emphasized giving to nonprofit organizations. There are more than a million non-profits in the U.S. They make up of 5.6% of the nation’s gross domestic product and account for $840 billion (yes “B”) in products and services. Non-profits in the U.S. have increased by 25% in that last decade alone. ( McKinsey report, 2014 )

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U.S. Inequality is Deeper and Wider

The United States is now the most unequal of all developed countries in the world.In November, researchers at the Peterson Institute for International Economics discussed the evidence that led them to that conclusion. These findings reaffirm the previous work of economists, epidemiologists like Richard Wilkinson and Kate Pickett, and a boatload of others including Americans who feel it, live it.

Peterson Institute researchers also found that the vast wealth gap in the U.S. is continuing to widen. This widening exacerbates inequality and rips at the very fabric, the very humanity of individuals, families and communities. Richard Wilkinson explains,

If you grow up in an unequal society, your actual experience of human relationships is different. Your idea of human nature changes. Inequality affects our ability to trust and our sense that we are part of a community.”

Wilkinson and Kate Pickett have devoted decades to studying inequality. In their book, The Spirit Level: Why Greater Equality Makes Societies Stronger, they explain that inequality within a society erodes mental, physical, and community health for every single one of us :

  • Almost every measure of well-being—from life expectancy to mental illness, violence to illiteracy—is affected less by how wealthy a society is than by how unequal it is.
  • Societies with a bigger gap between rich and poor are worse for everyone in them—including the well-off.
  • Positive solutions, policies that will make a difference, are already in practice in other countries—things we in the U.S. can do to move our nation to a happier, healthier, and fairer future.

The Spirit Level includes suggestions on ways inequality can be reduced:  governmental taxation policies, collective ownership in companies, regulation of CEO salaries, mindset shifts related to status and consumerism, and more. Five years after publishing The Spirit Level , Wilkinson and Pickett also argue that one way to solve wealth inequality is giving trade unions back their power .

images-5 More recently, French economist Thomas Piketty’s book Capital in the Twenty-First Century hit number 1 on the New York Times bestseller list for hardcopy books in May 2014. His book’s central thesis is that inequality is a feature of capitalism that can be reversed only through state (meaning national policy) intervention. Taking a progressive (or some say “confiscatory”) global tax on wealth approach is contended as a necessary action to reduce inequality in the U.S.

Likewise, Dean Paton writes about the need for reforming capitalism. In his Yes! Magazine article Poverty is Not Inevitable , Paton offers a laundry-list of approaches which, short of full-blown reform, will significantly reduce poverty. A few of Paton’s suggestions are worker-ownership, co-ops, social enterprises, and transforming too-big-to-fail banks.

Go Ahead & Give But…

I continue to find the concept of #GivingTuesday heartening. Giving is essential to our human spirits so please, go ahead and give. But truth be told, I’d rather live in a nation where our leaders, our national, state and local policies drive all of us toward equality and well-being every single day. That seems infinitely more #UnSelfie to me.

#inCourageLeading, Jone

Images:  Unselfie via www.givingtuesday.org.au; inequality cartoon from www.faireconomy.org; and equality image via www.ontheissuesmagazine.com.

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