Using the F-Word: Feminism’s Positively Simple

March 5, 2015 by 2 Comments
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I’ve always called myself a feminist. Well, almost always.

When I was 6 or 7 (back in the 70s) a friend of my parents visited us in rural Nebraska. She’d graduated from law school and was job hunting. Over martinis, she shared with my parents how her law firm interviews were going. “Do you type?” firm interviewers would ask. She said, “yes, I f@*k too, but not for money.”

Maybe I’m having a bit of a Brian Williams’ moment. Perhaps it didn’t go down exactly like that. But it is my first memory of hearing the F-bomb (f@*k) and the F-word (feminism), a rough day for my parents who had to explain both to me.

Feminism, according to my parents, was about “Equality for everyone. Women and men must share power and responsibility equally.” Dad gave the example, “I do the cooking because we both work, we’re both equally responsible for this family.” That made good sense to my 6-or-7-year-old brain, that’s what I wanted to be: feminist.

B-F35BeCQAE5RGZ But since Annie Lennox (my long-time idol) reported last fall that as she was receiving the (Barclays) Women of the Year Award she said from the podium, “I’m proud to be a feminist; let’s everybody stand up”—and half of the room stayed seated—I began to wonder if my parents got the F-word wrong.

Monica Weymouth’s “ Feminism Isn’t Dead, It’s Just Confused ” let me know I’m not alone in my F-word questioning, “The F-word has become a divisive term. So how to describe a person who believes in equality for everyone?” She struggles to answer her question and finally settles on this, “If I must choose something to identify myself as a person who believes in equality for everyone? I suppose I’ll go with Thinking Human Who Isn’t A Backwards Asshole — but again, that feels clunky.”

Something About the F-word

Something about saying “feminism” makes people nervous. Powerhouse women like pop icon Lady Gaga, images Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer, actress Shailene Woodley, and even former U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor (who cast critical votes on abortion and affirmative action) made clear they’re not feminists , for example:

  • Lady Gaga , “I’m not a feminist — I hail men, I love men. I celebrate American male culture and beer and bars and muscle cars.”
  • Marissa Mayer , “I don’t think that I would consider myself a feminist. I think that I certainly believe in equal rights, I believe that women are just as capable, if not more so in a lot of different dimensions, but I don’t, I think have, sort of, the militant drive and the sort of, the chip on the shoulder that sometimes comes with that. And I think it’s too bad, but I do think that feminism has become in many ways a more negative word.”

Other high-profile women like Madonna, Demi Moore, and Sara Jessica Parker all say they’re not feminists , they’re humanists. Beyonce is an exception, notes the Huffington Post , she calls herself a “modern-day feminist.”

Anti-F-Word

I’d heard rumblings that there’s a Women Against Feminism movement. It boosts a *Tumblr site and Facebook page; I read them both. The 5 themes I gleaned from the written signs (mostly young-looking) women posted to explain why they are against feminism: Pat+Robertson+Anti-Feminism+Quote

  • I love my man (husband, boyfriend, or all men)
  • I already have equal rights
  • I’m not a victim
  • I want equality, not oppression of men
  • Modern feminists are haters who demean stay-at-home Moms (+ others)

* Nina Burleigh wrote in an op-ed for The New York Observer that she believes some posts on Tumblr were not submitted by women, but rather are sock puppets of men’s rights activists , citing similar themes and content to that used on men’s rights websites.

@NoToFeminism , the parody counter to Women Against Feminism on Twitter, posts tweets like this: “I don’t need femim because its easy, for allowance give your daughter 75% of what your son gets so she won’t be surprised.”

Millennials Reviving Feminism. Word.

Many young women don’t seem confused about the F-word at all. The amazing 25-year old Laci Green gives a rapid-fire 50 reasons in 5 minutes in her YouTube vlog Why I’m a Feminist…*Gasp* . Ms. Green reaches over 5 million people in 100 countries each month, and has bounced back after receiving death threats with her new MTV web series, “Braless.” Green told the Huffington Post in late 2014 , “I think that anyone who understands what feminism is, if they’re a decent human being, there’s really no reason not to identify as a feminist.”

fem-3 And in New York City, high school senior Noa Azulai is redefining feminism one photo at a time . She asked the simple question, “Why do you need feminism?” and took photos of 50 students’ holding signs with their answers. Noa writes in Maria Shriver.com :

It’s time to simplify: A feminist is any person who believes men and women deserve the same social, political, and economic opportunities. It’s a celebration not only of women’s rights, but human rights, an embracement of equality. When both sexes take part in the dialogue, we can make the greatest impact.”

2538-F-Word-copy-FPO #MakeItHappen: Reclaim the F-word

With #MakeItHappen the theme for International Women’s Day 2015 , celebrated on March 8, it is the perfect time to think, talk about, and use the F-word. Reclaiming the power and the positivity of the F-word would be the best Women’s Day gift imaginable. To the girl still living inside me, it seems really simple.

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Images via www.syracuseculturalworkers.com (reclaiming feminism x2); www.rocktheslutvote.com (Annie Lennox); www.popreflection.wordpress.com (Pat Robertson); amandadecadenet.com (who’s afraid of the F-word); www.MariaShriver.com (NYC Lab High School student’s sign).

Filed Under: inCourage Reflections Blog , Leadership , Women Leadership Tagged With: , , , ,

Halfway Through the ‘New News’ Challenge, Tolerance Grows & Patience Wans

March 5, 2013 by Leave a Comment
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On February 4 th I issued the 8 Weeks to Optimum Tolerance ‘New News’ challenge. Half way through, I confess that it is harder than I expected, listening to more diverse perspectives than I usually do. got tolerance

Thus far, I’ve watched Bill O’Reilly lament the “Epidemic of Disrespect” in America while calling people I care deeply about, our nation’s public school teachers, “Pinheads.” I tried to find something to love about O’Reilly.

I paid close attention to the Republican’s response to the State of the Union address, ripping off my blinders instead of shutting down (with envy) when I heard Marco Rubio had paid off his $100,000 in student loans debts in the short time he’d been in Congress.

Instead of trying to get my head around why 22 male Senators voted against the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act, I reminded myself that these leaders (one of whom I worked for in the past), had been charged with carrying their party’s message. They may indeed be decent human beings. And, I celebrated when the House passed the Senate’s version of VAWA that expanded services to immigrant, Native, and LGBTQ women, also requiring that universities report on campus rapes.

I even sought to find common ground between my two Missouri Senators’ starkly differing Paycheck Fairness Act views (their emails in response to my urging them to vote for the bill). Using the four intolerance taming practices didn’t do me much good in that instance – even with a tolerance tweezers – I couldn’t find room for compromise between their views.

Intolerance Monster Last week, I lost complete patience with President Obama and the U.S. Congress when they continued squabbling. They failed to avoid the sequester cuts which will have a real impact on Main Street America. I found myself adding a curt “I expect you to do your jobs” sentence in an email to my Senators just prior to cuts going into effect on March 1.

In a phone conversation with KC in Washington, a Main Street Women book interviewee, she said “If they were in business, they’d be fired. We should fire them all.” I tend to agree. My tolerance for hearing that Washington, DC is broken has fled – unfortunately, the federal government is not a business so immediate firing isn’t an option.

At the same time, I really took to heart a London colleague’s feedback on my “Down on Main Street:  U.S. Women Poorer and Getting Ready for More With Sequestration” blog post. Afi Ofori wrote:

“I know this information is comparing it to the standards of living in the US alone however coming from Africa and knowing what I know and seeing poverty first hand, what is being described in the article isn’t poverty. Poverty is watching a mother watch her children die and there is zero she can do about it all because she can’t afford just a few crumbs of bread for her child.”

We had an incredible, and respect-filled, exchange where I got to share that over 16 million U.S. children are homeless, 1 in 4 children (according to the brilliant new documentary, A Place At the Table) don’t know where their next meal is coming from.  I shared with Afi my view that America’s social programs are the only things standing between many of our nation’s children and the African poverty she’d seen.  (Huge hugs going out to Afi for making me dig deeper and broaden my perspectives.)

NOW logo_and_name Yesterday, I looked for a little ‘news’ inspiration. Terry O’Neill, the president of the National Organization for Women, was here in St. Louis. As part of the 100 th Anniversary of International Women’s Day, the Women’s Law Caucus at Washington University’s School of Law invited Ms. O’Neill to speak.

Since its founding in 1966, the National Organization for Women’s (NOW) goal has been to take action to bring about equality for all women. It is the largest organization of feminist activists in the U.S. with 500,000 contributing members and 550 chapters in all 50 states and the District of Columbia. ( http://www.now.org/ )

Ms. O’Neill’s lecture was entitled “Rhetoric vs. Reality: The Latest Stealth Tactics in the War on Women.” From a decidedly national point of view, O’Neill’s optimism that democracy works – NOW “scores” members of Congress and decides who to support with money and advocacy – didn’t necessarily mirror my own. Main Street women like me sense that when the governed don’t live anything like the governing in terms of wealth, power, influence and lifelong Cadillac health care coverage, there’s something democratically amiss.

As I walked back to my car, I spoke with another woman who had also attended the lecture. “Inspiring,” was her first comment, “disconnected from how women here live” was her conclusion. Challenge

How about you? Accessing any ‘new news’ sources?

Is your tolerance growing? Any intolerance taming practices to share?

With just a few more weeks to go in the ‘new news’ challenge, I’d love to hear from you.

Filed Under: Action , Change , Gender Equality , inCourage Reflections Blog , maintreet women , Political Advocacy Tagged With: , , , , ,

Women’s Work: Bright Spots for Main Street Women This Week

March 1, 2013 by Leave a Comment
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This week, the Oscars treated us to Seth McFarlene singing “We Saw Your Boobs” and the sequester cuts go into effect that will negatively impact women. But there were bright spots…

VAWA PASSES AND MOVES TO PRES OBAMA’S DESK VAWA

The VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN ACT was finally reauthorized. The U.S. House of Representatives voted yesterday and passed the bipartisan Senate version, which included key protections for campus rape, Native and immigrant women, and LGBTQ women.  Representative Gwen Moore, Democrat of Wisconsin and a victim of domestic and sexual violence herself, spoke passionately about the need to pass the Senate’s bill.

I pray that this body will do as the Senate has done and come together as one to protect all women from violence. As I think about the L.G.B.T. victims who are not here, the native women who are not here, the immigrants who aren’t in this bill, I would say, as Sojourner Truth would say, ‘Ain’t they women?’ ”

Every Democratic and 87 Republicans voted for the Senate bill; 138 GOP members voting against it.  Among the nay votes was House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.).  The House’s action means that VAWA will be reauthorized for another five years, with $659 million being provided for various programs targeting domestic violence. How has the VAWA made a difference?

In a 24-hour period in the U.S., local domestic violence programs provided emergency shelter, transitional housing, supportive counseling, advocacy or other services to more than 67,000 women, children and men. Since 1994 when VAWA went into effect, there’s been a 34% reduction in women killing their batterers because they felt they had no choice, that their survival was at stake.  Learn more at http://4vawa.org/ .

WOMEN WHO MAKE AMERICA EDUCATES MAKERS thCAV2YCPM

MAKERS:  Women Who Make America, the documentary on 50 years of feminism in America debuted on PBS, causing a stir and lots of healthy conversations across the nation. If you missed it, check PBS.org or http://www.makers.com/ . It is a must see!

And it’s up to you to seize the work that lays before us — like claiming an equal voice in our political system, or demanding equal pay for equal work, or taking leadership roles in big business. You are among the mighty group of Makers just ahead who can help make new history.” Marlo Thomas

Rising Up for International Women's Day MARCH 8TH IS INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY celebrations have begun! The official date is March 8th but many events are set for today.

If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.” Margaret Thatcher

To find events in your area: http://internationalwomensday.com/ I’m excited to be joining National NOW President Terry O’Neill here in St. Louis on Sunday for a celebration. On Monday, O’Neill will deliver a lecture at Washington University’s Law School entitled “Rhetoric vs. Reality: The Latest Stealth Tactics in the War on Women.” Can’t wait!

WHEN WOMEN ARE HEARD, THEY CHANGE THE WORLD:  DO YOU HAVE TIME TO VOLUNTEER?

Want to do something tangible? World Pulse is looking for volunteers! World Pulse has grown from a Portland, OR kitchen table to a global network, partnering with over 40 top international organizations empowering women. World Pulse is seeking volunteers for the World Pulse turns up the volume on women's voices upcoming Voices of Our Future Application and Digital Action Campaign .

When women’s voices are equally heard and supported in the media, it results in increased family and child wellbeing, more investment in education and health care, better economic growth and job creation, as well as proper transparency and accountability. It accelerates social healing after trauma, as well as information sharing and problem-solving. Most importantly, it strengthens community networks, environmental stewardship, and the democratic process, as well as arts, culture, and creativity. ”

Access at https://worldpulse.com/about/opportunities and click on Online Listener Volunteer to learn more. Deadline for applications is March 19, 2013.

WOMEN’S RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS

Remember Hillary Clinton’s Women’s Rights Are Human Rights speech in Beijing in 1995?

As long as discrimination and inequities remain so commonplace around the  world – as long as girls and women are valued less, fed less, fed last,  overworked, underpaid, not schooled and subjected to violence in and out  of their homes – the potential of the human family to create a peaceful,  prosperous world will not be realized.”

May this International Women’s Day find you safe, well, celebrating how far we’ve come and ready to commit to doing just one thing to further strengthen our human family!

Filed Under: Action , Change , Gender Equality , inCourage Reflections Blog , maintreet women , Political Advocacy , voice , Women Leadership Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
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