Writing a book about what Main Street, America women think and care about is an awesome, humbling and sometimes challenging experience. I’m at a crucial stage in writing The Flight Patterns of Superwomen , the book that amplifies the voices of America’s majority: women .

I’ve come to well understand why Nora Ephron, the writer of iconic films like Silkwood, When Harry Met Sally, and Sleepless in Seattle said, “The hardest thing about writing, is writing.”

The women I interviewed definitely want to be acknowledged as individuals (beyond polls, pundits and demographic lumps): “What I really care about is being seen as an individual, distinct. It is important to me because I’ve always been pretty independent and I don’t think that just because I’m a woman that means I think X or think Y – I want to be seen as an individual.” (E, NE)

Yet, all voiced a passion for the collective, the common good of the nation and the entire global human family. Writing that honors women’s voices definitely presents a “yes and” opportunity.

Women Lead Now

First, “yes,” women are not equal in the U.S. and almost all the women I interviewed said women here ‘could and should’ be doing better. But women are leaders in their own right. They describe themselves as the glue that holds the nation together. They want others to lead too, leaders who share their values and think much, much bigger than individual advancement.

While they may not make headlines or hold seats of power often enough yet, these remarkable non-“1%” women are leading lives and families, companies and communities. They make the overwhelming majority of consumer purchase decisions in our country. And, they determine election outcomes.

As one North Carolina woman sang during our interview, “ We’ve Got the Power .”

With so much power already in their hands, when I asked women in 36 states about the leaders that attract them, I heard clarity and frustration.

What leaders do the best job of attracting you and how do they do it?

The strongest themes from women’s responses:

• Integrity & Authenticity
• Servant of the Greater Good
• Courage & Conviction
• Vision, Values & Passion
• Open & Inclusive:  A True Listener
• Able to Execute!

Sounds like ‘average’ women can write a bestselling leadership book right now! Just a few of women’s incredible quotes that offer a recipe for leading:

“The leaders that do the best job of attracting me are the ones who take the time to explain their point of view, their vision and how they’re going to get there – those leaders have the ability to keep coming back to that – the vision.”  (M, CO)

“Leaders that I’m so impressed by are leaders that really value different voices at the table. Leaders who enjoy collaboration and specifically ask for different voices to answer questions, ‘We’ve heard a lot from you, now let’s hear from…’ approach.” (S, MO)

“Straight talk, integrity and the courage to take action – that’s what I want.” (C, IN)

“I have to be moved and inspired. What’s wrong with wanting to feel emotion, be inspired by leaders?” (A, WI)

“Leaders that are humble, who lead by example, who are trustworthy – those are the leaders that attract me. It is hard to find trustworthy leaders, we’re all human and have different styles but that is what attracts me the most. While I appreciate transformational leaders, I really gravitate most, and want to be myself, a servant leader.” (L, DC)

“I’d say I have to have trust. They have to convince me that they have values that they really believe in authentically. They have to be effective and communicate well. I want someone who has big goals, values, and uses facts – the evidence and data and rationality – to make decisions.”  (K, NH)

“I want leaders who are passionate, transparent, who know who they are, what their values are and what they truly believe in – then do what they believe.“ (B, MS)

U.S. Politicians – How Women See Our Current Leaders

Because women’s interviews were conducted in the context of the 2012 U.S. general elections, governmental leadership – politicians – dominated thoughts. Most women expressed that U.S. politicians are not leading – at least not well.

As a woman in Hawaii put it, she’s simply looking for “one who doesn’t trigger my gag reflex.”

Women voiced concerns that in the U.S. those governing don’t live like the governed – net wealth and lifetime health insurance came up most often – raising the democracy disconnect.

“I was talking to a friend and we decided that we need the “Do Over Party” – no one in office right now can stay, we need a total do-over. We need to find someone who cares about kids and families in the U.S. – that’s who I’d be drawn to.” (K, WA)

“I hope this doesn’t sound like Oprah has been influencing me, but I’d say I’m on a lifelong quest to find authenticity – authentic people, people who are who they really are. I look for markers of authenticity, leaders who are true to themselves and true to causes. I see fakeness everywhere in politicians.”  (M, MD)

“It is very difficult for me to think of any (political) leaders I admire. The few that I do are the ones that cut through the bullshit and put facts out and let me and the rest of the people decided.” (R, NE)

“Leaders? I care about them being accountable and listening. During elections they’re the ones after you. After they get elected, you have to be the one after them. They forget you.” (L, MA)

“Something I don’t care about – I don’t care if elected officials are sleeping with their interns. I don’t care about, quote-unquote, their ‘character’ in that way. I don’t give my vote based on who is cheating on their wives or not. I think about what’s really moral – like letting people go hungry – that’s more of a character issue to me, that’s more about their moral compass.”  (K, FL)

Leadership Mash-Up

How can we bridge the gap between what women want in leaders and how they view U.S. political leaders now? Do we need the “Do Over Party” and…