To Lead Others, Lead Yourself:  To Lead Yourself, Know Yourself

By Susan Caba

The ancient Greeks said it first: “Know Thyself.”

That timeless piece of advice was inscribed on the Temple of the Oracle at Delphi, and it’s been the basis of philosophical, psychological and self-help theories ever since. Most great leaders know themselves–their strengths, weaknesses and motivations–very well. Their self-awareness contributes to their effectiveness as leaders.

Why? Because in order to lead or manage others, you must be able to manage yourself. And self-management only comes with self-knowledge. It gives you insight into how others see and respond to you; it confers the ability to interact more successfully with others. This is as true for a relationship between two people as it is for the CEOs of enormous organizations.

Once you understand yourself, it’s very valuable to learn to recognize patterns of behaviors in others, as well. When everyone on a team, for example, knows the style of all team members, it’s much easier to understand where everyone is “coming from,” to minimize misunderstandings and to increase the ability to communicate clearly with one another.

When You Say ‘Go’ and He Says ‘No” (or vice versa)

I am an intuitive decision-maker, given to spur-of-the-moment action, unafraid of change and something of a risk-taker. A romantic partner–much more deliberative, analytic and resistant to change–once described himself as a worker ant trying to keep up with a flea. My ex-husband and, to a lesser extent, my son are also analytic and process-oriented.

Knowing this about myself (and I agree–pretty much–with the flea analogy), I am much better able to predict and manage interactions with those important people in my life. While I am ready to embark on an adventure at the drop of a hat, I realize that–if I want their company on the trip–I’m going to have to convey my idea early, allow them time to deliberate and be prepared for at least an initial negative reaction. (If I’d known this about myself and my ex-husband sooner, we might not be divorced!)

I have been able to advise my son that, when he asks his father to do something or to grant him permission for something, the best approach is gradual:

“Dad, I want to ask you about something, but I don’t want you to make a decision right away, just think about it, okay?”

Despite that heads-up, his father is still likely to say, “No, absolutely not, that can’t happen.” But my son knows enough to bide his time. After a few minutes or a few days–depending on the topic–his father will think things through and, if the request is reasonable, go along with the suggestion. Knowing that keeps my son from becoming angry or frustrated, and allows his father to think without feeling pressured.

All Bread is Made of Flour, Water and Salt

There are four basic ingredients in everyone’s personality or behavioral style. All four are present in every person, to different degrees. Just as the flavor and texture of a particular bread depends on its ratio of ingredients, spices and baking time, an individual’s personality depends on the varying ratios of all four traits. Nobody is all one style or another; no particular mix is better than the myriad others.

The four key traits or “ingredients,” first identified in 1928 by Harvard psychologist William M. Marston, are still the basis of most behavioral analysis systems. The traits are:

• Response to problems and challenges
• Ability to influence others
• Preferred pace of your environment (serene vs hectic, for example)
• Compliance with procedures and rules

There are various systems for determining your behavioral style–Jone Bosworth, of inCourage Leading, LLC, is licensed in the 42-year-old Winslow Dynamics Profile system, designed to use self-awareness as a catalyst for maximizing change and success.

In talking with Jone she made it clear:  merely taking a self-assessment is not the end-all, be-all of knowing yourself, that it is a lifelong process of self-reflection. But the assessments are a good place to start.

At their most basic, the assessments catagorize you as either task-oriented or people-focused, an extrovert or an introvert. They look at how you deal with risk, how you communicate and how you cope with conflict and change. Many research-based systems identify individuals as one of four types, depending on their dominant traits.

• Task-oriented extroverts are intuitive decision-makers, quick, self-confident, ambitious and future oriented. They have a take-charge, get-it-done attitude. Others may see them as bullies; they don’t always communicate as effectively as they think they do. They should learn to be quiet and listen, manage their impatience and take time for informed decisions.
• People-focused extroverts are influential, visionary, often charismatic and passionate. They multi-task, focus on the big picture (and often neglect the details), inspire others and thrive in teams. Their distaste for details, dislike of schedules and structure and enthusiasm for the new can result in unfinished projects. Some see them as self-promoters who don’t deliver what they promise. They need to curb their enthusiasm for the next big thing until the task at hand is completed.
• People-focused introverts are deliberate, steady, loyal and stable. They listen intently, are patient and supportive; they thrive in close-knit teams. Their desire for harmony can mean they’ll overlook problems or keep their doubts to themselves. They don’t like conflict or confrontation and they are very uncomfortable with change. Others may see them as stubborn or non-feeling. They need to loosen up a little, let people know what they are feeling, and give change a chance.
• Task-focused introverts are analytic, cautious, process-oriented and devoted to completing a task flawlessly. They find security in process and structure. Other may perceive that as rigidity or stubbornness; in fact, these people are prone to “analysis paralysis”–they are so afraid of making a mistake, they freeze. They need to learn that, sometimes, good enough is good enough. Stop worrying about a perfect result and finish!

Become Fluent in the Language of You–and Others

The more you know about yourself and others, the more you can take advantage of your strengths and minimize your weak spots. You’ll know how to recruit to build team strength and offset deficiencies. It’s like learning another guy’s language, to understand one another better.

And don’t forget to “manage up.” Know your boss’s style. Here’s advice from the US Army’s Handbook on Small Unit Leadership: “Knowing the boss’s intent, priorities and thought processes enhances organizational effectiveness and success.”

Here’s my final thought: Knowing yourself does allow you to adapt your style to become a more effective leader. But don’t attempt to become who you are not–if you try to hard to act in a way that isn’t natural, you’ll become inauthentic, less trustworthy, get less done and increase dissatisfaction.

As I said in the CIG Leadership, Fast Track: “Cozy up to your inner self. Contemplate the reasons for your successes and your failures. If you know where you are likely to trip up, you can modify your behavior (or ask for help) and avoid those pitfalls.”

Susan Caba , author of the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Leadership Fast Track, has observed and written about leaders and the art of leadership for more than 30 years. She’s covered the leadership structures of business, science, education, professional sports, governmental bodies and philanthropic organizations. Connect with Susan at www.linkedin.com/in/susancaba .

Buy Leadership Fast Track at http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Leadership-Fast-Track/dp/1615642420/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363646143&sr=1-1&keywords=Complete+Idiot%27s+Guide+to+Leadership%2C+Susan+Caba .