This Way to Your Voice

i_love_my_voice_

Ann Quasman asked me, “What would people be surprised to know about you?” Ann’s question came in the context of her WomanTalkLive5 where she asks five provocative questions of “an inspiring and fabulous woman – a woman with something to say. ”

I love Ann’s goal: To each day start a conversation that moves even one woman from talking to doing.

But in all honesty, I didn’t feel particularly inspiring or fabulous in the moment. After wasting precious time wrestling with my voice-in-head that was saying, “just buck up,” and “hey Ann, that’s not fair, that makes it six questions,” here’s what I shared:

People would be surprised to know that I once did the voice-over for a hemorrhoidectomy (hemorrhoid surgery) video used at an international proctology conference. Even 20 years later, the thought of using my voice that way makes me giggle. Talk about the perfect fodder for jokes!

It’s true. That’s one way I’ve used my voice.

Locked in a recording studio with a Japanese crew, I can still hear myself saying, “Now, take the rectal speculum…” Hope the proctologists at the Seoul conference weren’t listening too carefully: I had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. Ever get that feeling?

“It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent.”—Madeleine Albright

Much has been written about women and voice. Recently, the World Bank commissioned a study on gender equality and development, sending teams to 20 countries around the globe to talk with women, in part, about voice. The World Bank’s definition: “Voice is being able to speak up and be heard, and to shape and share in discussions, discourse and decisions.”

Often, voice discussions focus on how women need “fixing,” our voices, tones and speech patterns need to be transformed in order for us to be considered credible enough to attain equal leadership-level representation, even to receive equal pay.

“In life, finding a voice is speaking and living the truth. Each of you is an original. Each of you has a distinctive voice. When you find it, your story will be told. You will be heard. ” -John Grisham

The late great leadership guru Dr. Stephen Covey, (author of the international best seller The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) , suggests asking yourself these four questions to find your voice :

  • What are you good at? That’s your mind. 13
  • What do you love doing? That’s your heart.
  • What need do you serve? That’s your body.
  • What is life asking you? That’s your spirit; meaning & purpose.

“Your voice is your ambassador to the outside world.”—Norman Hogikyan, MD

Dr. Norman Hogikyan specializes in Otolaryngology, the study of ear, nose, and throat conditions. He contends that voice “portrays your personality and emotions. People make assessments about you based on your voice, so it is very important when you’re speaking or singing to think about what people are really hearing.”

Like our bodies, we need to warm-up, flex, stretch, and develop our voices. Hogikyan and colleagues offer us 10 Tips for a Healthy Voice : hydration, what foods to avoid, how humidity in your office/home helps, and the importance of “vocal naps.” Avoid yelling, screaming and otherwise straining your voice. In other words, don’t run a marathon after only training to climb a flight of stairs. Another key voice health suggestion: pay attention to how you speak every day.

“Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.”—Rumi

At times, I ask my coaching clients to record themselves reading a poem, speech, or even a children’s story that inspires them. This isn’t about making public presentations—it’s not voice coaching either—it’s a reflection time, a chance to listen to one’s own voice, something that doesn’t happen for most of us, at least not very often.

We listen together. We might talk about energy and breath and confidence. We spend a little time on speed, slowing things down. Most importantly, we get really comfortable hearing that voice, its beauty, its uniqueness, its loveliness, the very “YOU-ness” of it. We identify what there is to love, love, love about your voice.

Using our voices to take stands and shape conversations requires a level of comfort and practice, a level of love—not fixing.

Record Your Voice, Listen to It:  What Do You Love About It?

#inCourage Leading, Jone

Learn more about Ann Quasman at WomanTalk.com and answer her 5 brilliant, provocative questions. Well, 6 questions if you have the courage to surprise us.

What Blogging is Teaching Me About Voice

lost voice somewhere

It is scary and a bit surreal that I’ve shared over 140,000 words with you, dear readers.

Almost two years ago I began writing this inCourage Reflections blog. Sometimes I’ve have shared two or three posts a week. Only once in the nearly 24 months have I missed meeting that weekly post goal.

Please pause with me while I pat myself soundly on the back for my display of self-discipline. Like Oreos, once I took a bite of blogging I kept going compulsively, fortunately with fewer negative consequences.

Oddly, up until about a month ago I operated under the assumption that I was struggling to find my authentic voice. If you’re like me, growing up and acting like a professional means learning to “use your inside voice.” Not your intuitive, creative, truth-telling inner voice.

Inside Voice Ouch

Use Your Inside Voice Well-meaning adults tell us to use our inside voices so that we’ll be quiet, acceptable in public. Or, in my abnormally booming voice case—great for a singer, not so great in closed-in spaces like classrooms and offices—inside voice means at least try to be a little quieter.

As a child, my big voice served some positive purposes for adults. My parents regularly sent me out on the front porch to yell for my brother to get home, right now.

My wonderful Uncle John, who recently died, wisely made sure I was with him when hiking in the Sandhills. “Nothing scares away rattlesnakes,” he said, “like having Jone along.” I know he meant this kindly. Seems I possessed not only a loud voice but apparently had a snake-charming chatterbox-lot to say as well.

Thinking back, teachers definitely delivered the “inside voice” message to me, ironically in loud voices. (I heard you the first time Mrs. Landon, geez.)

Re-reading most of the 200 blog posts I’ve shared with you was a lengthy and eye-opening experience. It Wizard-of-Oz-ish-Glenda-to-Dorothy-struck-me: You’ve had a voice all along, my dear.

The review of posts showed me that my voice is there. Not always smooth, not always light, but it is there. Please know I forgive you if you started then stopped reading at times; I found a couple of early posts too cumbersome to finish myself. I did, however, find many posts that I actually like or even, gulp, love. That was a shock. The ones I love sound the most like me talking with friends.

More often than expected, my blog posts contain at least one cringe-inducing error or a link that goes to nowhere. (I swear I do proofread.) And, I noticed, upon re-reading, that I have a seeming addiction to commas, which are, often, overused, and, frequently, could be eliminated, and, well, you get the picture.

“If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.” –Elmore Leonard

Early on, my mother said my blogs were too wordy. She was right. (I’ll win your readership back Mom, just you wait.) So was the brilliant writer Elmore Leonard—when it sounds like writing, rewrite. I’ve gotten a bit better by reading what I’ve written out loud before posting.

The hardest lesson is to let a post go, to push the publish button; if I’m to put something out in the world weekly it cannot EVER be absolutely perfect in my eyes. Anticipate imperfection, accept it.

Throughout this blogging journey it periodically occurs to me that I don’t know anything about writing a blog. So along the way I’ve made time to read advice from others. Dave Berry’s advice on writing tickles me most:

“Don’t be boring.”

Specific to blogging, some of the repeated tips I’ve read include: tips

  • “Content is king.” I still have no idea what that means so if you know, please tell me.
  • “People like lists.” I suppose that’s true but frankly, my eyes get tired about a quarter of way through 101 tips to attract readers, don’t yours?
  • “Never write posts of more than 750 words, no one will read them.” Hmm, I reviewed my posts and found that the ones over 750 words were the most shared, most commented on, received the most positive feedback… I’m sure that you, dear readers, are smarter and more persistent than the average blog-readers.
  • “If you hear crickets sing, your writing isn’t resonating.” I didn’t even know what crickets sing meant two years ago: silence, no one comments or shares what you’ve written. Last week an old friend called and left me this phone message, “I absolutely love your blog. I repost many—it’s very cool.” Who knew she was reading?
  • “Guest blog for others.” I have done this and have been grateful for the opportunities. However, I recently realized that for some reason I seem to save my best (or at least some of my favorite) writing for guest blogs. I’m not sure why. This is something I vow to change going forward.

One of my idols, Joyce Carol Oates, tweeted this: “Best tip for writers: not to listen to any silly tips for writers.” I adore this. Don’t think for a second that I’m telling you how to write or what your voice should sound like. Instead, if you feel you’ve lost your voice a little, I hope sharing what I’m learning from blogging might be of help to you too.

Dismayed about losing your true voice somewhere? I’ve gone through that sensation too. Take heart. You’ll find it. As the great Miles Davis said:

You have to play a long time to be able to play like yourself.”

With gratitude, Jone

Want a Healthier Workplace? Sing!

Ireland Workplace Choir of the Year 2013

The power of singing became apparent to me in Nepal. My friend Clare and I got lost hiking in the Kathmandu Valley. We stumbled upon a Nepali army outpost and were surrounded by soldiers who aimed their machine guns at us. Long—true—story short, we sang our way out of it.

Thinking back, I still cringe at our stupidity, our illiteracy. I marvel at the kindness, and the singing, of Nepal’s soliders. They even taught us a Nepalese marching song. It involves stomping one’s feet and yelling something like “Denah, denah, denah haah.”

Tramping around Nepal alone isn’t recommended (in fact, I believe it may be illegal). The key thing I learned is that you can, indeed, sing your way out of trouble.

“If everyone started off the day singing, just think how happy they’d be .”— Lauren Myracle, Shine

We have abysmal employee engagement rates in the U.S. according to Gallup research. In a 2013 Monster.com study, more Americans said they hate their jobs than other developed nations’ workers. Suicide is the 10 th highest killer of Americans and rapidly increasing. We need—pun intended—concerted action: we need to sing.

I’m not talking about the irritating guy on the other side of the mouse-maze of florescent-lit cubicles, the one who won’t stop humming “What Does the Fox Say.” I mean organized singing, workplace choirs.

Workplace choirs took off in the U.K. back in 2007 when the BBC reality show, “The Choir,” won the British Academy Television Awards 2007 for Best Feature. In a subsequent year, Choirmaster Gareth Malone got staff in some of Britain’s busiest workplaces singing while they work. Today, L’Oreal, law firms, banks, tech companies like Google UK, accountancy firms, and many more have organized workplace singing—choirs. Ireland actually holds an annual “Workplace Choir of the Year” competition. (2013 Workplace Choir of the Year winner, Tallaght Hospital, pictured above.)

“If I cannot fly, let me sing.” –Stephen Sondheim

What is it about singing that makes us healthier? Researchers around the globe have asked that question and agree that singing produces significant physical and mental health benefits.

Seniors singing Considered the world’s leading authority on music and wellness, Töres Theorell at Stockholm University, published Psychological Health Effects of Musical Experiences earlier this year. Theorell writes, “Learning how to sing is a physical matter, [i]t has a positive effect on the heart, and one’s lung capacity improves if one learns deep breathing [as practiced by singers]. Deep breathing is useful even when one isn’t singing.”

In one study , members of a choir filled out questionnaires to report their physical and psychological reactions to singing. Choir members reported: improved lung capacity, higher energy, relief from asthma, better posture, enhanced feelings of relaxation, more positive moods, and greater self-confidence. A University of Frankfurt study also found that choral members had higher levels of immunoglobulin A and cortisol—markers of enhanced immunity—after they sang Mozart’s “Requiem” than before. Just listening to the music did not have the same effect.

Being part of a chorus produced proven results in the U.S. too. As part of a three-year study in Washington, D.C., researchers examined how choir singing affects the health of those 55 and older. Choir members needed fewer doctor visits, experienced fewer eyesight problems, had less incidence of depression, required less medication, and had fewer falls and other injuries.

“ He who sings scares away his woes.” –Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Catalyzed by the UK workplace choir movement, businesses like Singing It Back have proliferated to train and direct workplace singing. Singing It Back contends that singing helps us “live in the moment,” alleviates workplace isolation, and teaches workplaces to focus on a shared goal made up of many parts. Singing promotes all-important listening skills as well.

Perhaps workplace singing is catching on here in the U.S.?

Newsweek’s Elisabeth Braw recently reported on the Birmingham law firm headquarters of Wragge Lawrence Graham where lawyers and staff members have formed a workplace choir. “The choir helps you get to know people at the company who you wouldn’t ordinarily meet,” explains Rob Bridgman, a young Wragge lawyer who conducts the three-year-old choir. “You meet people from other legal teams, the IT department, the business development department.” ( Workers Who Sing Together Are Healthier , Newsweek August 2014)

We Sure Need A Healin':  Let’s Sing

While not a researcher, Linda Ronstadt is unquestionably an expert on singing. In her book, Simple Dreams: A Musical Memoir, she beautifully writes:

Perhaps more than birds do, humans hold a grudge. They sing to complain of how grievously they have been wronged, and how to avoid it in the future. They sing to help themselves execute a job of work. They sing so the subsequent generations won’t forget what the current generation endured, or dreamed, or delighted in.”

Maybe we can begin to heal our American workplaces—our culture—by singing together more. Given all the research around the individual and group benefits of singing, one thing is clear: if we sing together, we’ll definitely feel better.

I’ve got a song in my heart, how about you? #PeaceHugs, Jone

Resources: Need help setting up a workplace choir? From gaining management support to picking music, and how to breathe, hold your posture while singing, you’ll find great help at “ Setting Up A Workplace Choir .” Images: Seniors singing from sequoiaseniorsolutionsblog.com, and Keep Calm via keep-calm-o-matic-co.uk.

Self-Talk That Works

Henry Ford quote on self-talk

University of Michigan’s researchers have confirmed it:  Henry Ford was right. U sing YOU when talking to ourselves helps us regulate emotions, feel more confident and perform better.

When You’re Preparing for a Task, Say “You Can Do It,” not “I Can Do It”

by Andrew O’Connell | 8:30 AM February 18, 2014

People who referred to themselves as “you” or by their own names while silently talking to themselves in preparation for a five-minute speech were subsequently calmer and more confident and performed better on the talk than people who had referred to themselves as “I” or “me” ( 3.6 versus 3.2 on a combined five-point scale, in the view of judges), says a team led by Ethan Kross of the University of Michigan. The research participants who talked to themselves in the second or third person also felt less shame afterward. By distancing us from ourselves, the use of the second and third person in internal monologues enables us to better regulate our emotions, the researchers say. ( http://blogs.hbr.org/2014/02/when-youre-preparing-for-a-task-say-you-can-do-it-not-i-can-do-it/ )

Self-Talk Self-Talk Reflections in Action

Look in the mirror. Look straight in your own eyes. Whether you’re preparing for a task, a speech, a difficult conversation or just a regular ol’ day, say:

1. YOU CAN DO IT.

2. YOU HAVE A CHOICE IN THIS MOMENT.

3. YOU ARE NOT PERFECT BUT YOU ARE WHOLE, WORTHY AND POWERFUL.

4. YOU ARE CONNECTED AND CONNECTING.

5. YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO SUCCEED.

Now, dear reader and friend, GO GET ‘EM!

#PeaceHug, Jone

Thinking Like a Heroine/Hero (#KindnessRevolution)

Hero

An ‘Everyday’ Hero

Indianapolis Mayor Greg Ballard called it, “The cold is the real killer here. In 10 minutes you could be dead without proper clothing.” It is so bitterly cold here in the Midwest that this letter to the editor of a local Nebraska newspaper really struck me today:

“This evening on my way home I got stalled in a long line of traffic at the railroad crossing on Custer Street. When the crossarms went up I was surprised that no one on either side moved. Finally a few cars started swerving around to get across the tracks.

It was then that I noticed a person standing in the freezing cold next to a dog that had been hit by a train.

So whoever you are, I want you to know I was so touched by your kindness to protect that dog. Had you not stood there, that poor animal would have gotten run over repeatedly by the long line of cars. You are my hero!”

–Deb Phillips, January 8, 2014  (Grand Island Independent, Grand Island, Nebraska)

What Makes a Hero?

“When I do good, I feel good.  When I do bad, I feel bad.  That’s my religion.” – Abraham Lincoln

That Deb took the time to write this letter to the editor is incredibly heartening to me — worthy of a #KindnessRevolution badge on so many fronts. She also got me thinking about heroism, especially this ‘everyday’ Main Street kind of hero, a person who quietly:  sacrifices, faces danger, takes a stand against injustice or harm to other beings.

Phillip Zimbardo has spent decades researching what makes us good and bad — and heroic. Here are a few key insights Zimbardo reports from his survey of 4,000 Americans:

  • Heroes are everywhere. One in five—20 percent—qualify as heroes. Seventy-two percent report helping another person in a dangerous emergency. Sixteen percent report whistle blowing on an injustice. Six percent report sacrificing for a non-relative or stranger. Fifteen percent report defying an unjust authority. (Not one of these people has been formally recognized as a hero, according to Zimbardo’s study.)
  • Gender matters. Males reported performing acts of heroism more than females. Zimbardo thinks this is because women tend not to regard a lot of their heroic actions as heroic. It’s just what we women think we’re supposed to do for our family or a friend.
  • Personal history matters. Having survived a disaster or personal trauma makes you three times more likely to be a hero and a volunteer.

To learn more, see Zimbardo’s article and videos at http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_makes_a_hero .

Thinking Of Ourselves as Heroines/Heros

“One must think like a hero to behave like a merely decent human being.” –May Sarton

Heroes don't always wear capes Not all heroes wear capes, dog tags or crowns. Not many heroines and heroes actually make the news. We women, especially, don’t even think of ourselves as heroic and for this reason, today’s reflection…

1) Spend a little time reflecting on how to think and act like a heroine/hero. For inspiration, read a short bio on someone you consider heroic.

2) Breathe and imagine. W hat if you shifted your thinking and purposely acknowledged when you sacrifice, risk, take a stand, or speak out for others, as an act of heroism?

2) Name one time you acted heroically in the past. How might naming your heroism more often fuel more courage, more acts of kindness, more result in the common good?

Go on and let yourself be HEROIC!

If you have everyday heroism stories like Deb’s to share, I’d absolutely love to pass them along here. As always, feel free to email me: jone@incourageleading.com

#PeaceHug

How to Defeat Self-Defeating Thoughts

Self love “You’re a loser, you’re never going to have success.”

“You have no friends and never will.”

“You can’t possibly learn that, you’re too stupid.”

“You’ll never make that shot, you’re not a good enough player.”

What would happen if your coach, boss, teacher, therapist, friend or potential client said that to you? You’d fire them! Report them! Cut ties with them! Maybe you’d even picture yourself hitting them — at least with a pillow.

So why are you talking to yourself this way?

When I asked Main Street Women across the U.S. whether there’s ever been a time when they didn’t speak up or stand up for someone or something, the overwhelming majority said yes. Most could detail with exquisite specificity the thoughts and feelings that stopped them from speaking up or standing up for themselves.

The culprit? An inner voice whispering fear-filled messages tied to potential embarrassment, or “looking stupid.” Some reported a brain freeze-like paralysis reaching their throats. For others, their well-ingrained “pleaser” training took hold.

In contrast, using their voices — taking a stand for others — came easily.

How can we defeat these self-defeating thoughts that stop us from living and working as imperfect but WHOLE persons?

Susan David and Christina Congleton* recently offered four “emotional agility” practices in Harvard Business Review magazine: “Recognize your patterns; label your thoughts and emotions; accept them; and act on your values.” The practices are adapted from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and I highly recommend reading the full piece, Emotional Agility: How Effective Leaders Manage Negative Thoughts and Emotions , see http://hbr.org/2013/11/emotional-agility/ar/1 .

I’ll add these reflections as food for thought and action:

  • Become the Other. How would I react to others who said those things to me? That’s right, go on and laugh — you wouldn’t tolerate it, would you!
  • Assess the Evidence. What evidence do I really have that this is true? Come on, not a one of us is perfect and there are no “always” absolutes in this world. Yes, we all fail. Think about times you actually did fail and picked yourself up again!
  • Check the Story. Is this just a story I’m telling myself? Ask a trusted person in your life — I’ll bet they tell you’re living in fantasy land, not the real world, with these thoughts.
  • Flip It. What happens when you breathe and then shift each thought to something positive? Try it! “I’m a loser, I never succeed,” becomes “I’m persistant, I often succeed.”
  • Stop & Be Grateful. Accept those thoughts and write down 20 things you’re grateful for immediately. No self-defeating thoughts can survive for long with gratitude in your head and heart.
  • Jump! What would happen if when your inner voice whispered fear and doubt or pleasing-filled thoughts you started jumping up and down? Try it! Did you forget that hogwash? Laugh at yourself?

Here’s something else that works for me: read something that inspires, strengthens or uplifts you . I often use this excerpt from Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love :

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

What would you advise others to do to defeat self-defeating thoughts? Love to hear your thoughts!

Sending you nothing but wishes for growing and growing your self-love!

*Susan David is the CEO of Evidence Based Psychology, a cofounder of the Institute of Coaching, and an instructor in psychology at Harvard University. Christina Congleton, who was formerly a researcher on mindfulness and the brain at Massachusetts General Hospital, is an associate at Evidence Based Psychology and a certified coach.

Invitation to LoveFest 2013

LoveFest2013Header I am delighted to share an event with you that I suspect you will really, really enjoy — LoveFest 2013 ! Two colleagues of mine, Dr. Maria Church and Love Coach Laura Wilson , are driven by a passion and desire to infuse love into every aspect of life. Through their work, they’ve seen how much more successful we are – how much more meaningful life and work feels – when we consciously shift from fear to love.

They’ve brought together 13 leaders, entrepreneurs, and luminaries to show us exactly how it is done. And I am one of their guests!

Mark your calendars now for this FREE virtual event starting September 16. Click here to register or LoveFest 2013: https://da137.infusionsoft.com/go/LF2013/JoneBosworth2013/

September 16-19th, 2013 Let the LoveFest Begin!

LoveFest 2013 Speakers

Join Dr. Maria, Love Coach Laura and me, along with ten other inspiring leaders, to fuel the shift from fear to love. You will hear about love and money, love and weight loss, love and business, love and politics, love and sports, and so much more!

Look for gentle reminders from me — I’ll be sharing more about this awesome event!

P.S. Don’t miss the Fest and remember it is FREE! Register now here and let the love begin: https://da137.infusionsoft.com/go/LF2013/JoneBosworth2013/

Stress Management for Women

This week, I got one of the coolest email I’ve ever received.

So cool, so transformative in fact, that I had to pass it along as an inCourage Reflection.

Dear Jone,
I have picked 10 wonderful women in my life who I consider to be powerful leader-sisters out to change their world, love their homes and all who are invited into it and strive to be role-models who inspire a higher effort in everyone.
Read this – and remember it.
And I give you permission to remind me when I am in the wrong lane.
Love to you all
C.D.

Pick Your Powerful Leader-Sister & Share

Here’s what followed… My apologies for not being able to attribute it to the original source. I hope whoever wrote this gets a heap o’ hugs of gratitude wherever she is in the world!

Stress Management for Women

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience with a raised glass of water. Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, ‘half empty or half full?’… She fooled them all …. “How heavy is this glass of water?” she inquired with a smile. Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. To 20 oz.

She replied , “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “and that’s the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on.”

“As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden – holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night… Pick them up tomorrow.

1 * Accept the fact that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue!

2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 * Drive carefully… It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5 * If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8 * Never buy a car you can’t push.

9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

10 * Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

11 * Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.

13 * When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

19 * Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

20 *Save the earth….. It’s the only planet with chocolate!*

Ready to Give Permission “Wrong Lane” Permission?

share share share Go on. Do it.  I’m thinking about you TODAY!

Thanks so very much to all who voted and commented — on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn — during my summer ‘poll’ series. Your insights and your incredible support will not be forgotten.

#GRATITUDE!

Does It Matter That Girls Don’t Want To Be President?

What do you want to be when you grow up? Shortly after the 2012 U.S. general elections, pollsters asked kids specifically about growing up and getting one job:  president.

Fifty-four percent of 12-17 year olds said they think they could be president – but 8 of 10 said they have no interest in the job.

Boys are more apt than girls either to say that it’s too much responsibility or too much work.

Girls were 15 points more likely than boys to say they’re not interested in the country’s top job because of other career plans or a disinterest in politics. (ABCNEWS/Weekly Reader http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=90114&page=1 )

What happens when no one wants the job?

We seem to have a serious candidate shortage in America, and not just for the presidency but at all levels. (Heck, look at New York where Eliot Spitzer and Anthony Wiener are running — again.)

The pipeline looks grim. Younger generations now say that they want no involvement in government (running for office or working in the public sector) but instead, want to make a difference through local nonprofits.

“Analysts warn of a dangerous downward cycle: perceptions of [U.S.] government as dysfunctional and politics as corrupt keep getting worse.

That convinces some of the nation’s ablest people, especially those just starting out, that they don’t want to run for office or work for the government at any level.

As a result, government and politics are likely to work even less well — presumably prompting perceptions to fall further.”

Who are the few?

More recently, according to a USA TODAY/Bipartisan Policy Center poll just 14% of people surveyed said they’d seriously considered running for political office:

Those who said they’d seriously consider running for office look like this:

•25% of those who earn at least $100,000 a year, but just 10% of those who earn less than $50,000
•22% of men, but just 8% of women
•22% of college graduates, but just 9% of those who don’t have a college degree
•17% of whites, but just 8% of African Americans

( http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/07/21/public-service-valued-politics–not-so-much/2573743/ )

Does It Really Matter?

Does it matter that few young people want to be involved with government?

your voice speak out What do you think? Does it matter that women and girls disproportionately don’t want to run for office?

Your Voice

Thank you!

Love to hear from you!

Much gratitude to all who read inCourage Leading’s summer blog series, voted on the poll questions, and sent me comments from the U.S. and elsewhere. I loved hearing your voices in the ways you chose to share them!

As Women Gain Power, Will We Lose Empathy?

“I am an important person.”

your voice speak out Psychologist Jean Twenge studies longitudinal trends in Americans’ mental disposition. In 1950, 12 percent of U.S. teens agreed with the statement, “I am an important person.” Three decades later, 80 percent agreed.

The “important person” statement could be regarded as healthy self-worth, high self-esteem. However, psychologists Kate Pickett and Richard Wilkinson dig deeply into personality types in their book, The Spirit Level , and share interesting findings. They found two distinct “self-esteem” personality types.

One group who report high self-esteem also had high levels of happiness, fulfilling friendships and social relationships.

The other group with high self-esteem also had a host of antisocial tendencies – including lack of empathy for others.

In short, people with this ‘unhealthy’ high self-esteem tend to be insensitive to others, be preoccupied with themselves and their success, and are almost obsessed with their image and appearance in the eyes of others.

Elected to Congress = ‘Important Person’

“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.” John Emerich Edward Dalberg Acton, first Baron Acton (1834–1902)

Getting elected to Congress conveys power and seems to breed the ‘important person’ syndrome of the unhealthy variety that Pickett and Wilkinson identified. A Michigan woman talked about the chasm between the powerful in Washington, DC and life on Main Street this way:

“When you have no decent health care paid by an employer, you are screwed. That is Main Street.

On Capitol Hill they don’t understand this at all. There’s a complete disconnect. They have no idea of the stress, financial and emotional.

I’d tell politicians that I’m concerned about how they live, how they’re spending money, travelling on junkets, to their districts, what their staff gets.

People are suffering and they have a salary and health care for life. They pass laws they exempt themselves from and they count on people not noticing. That’s like a monarchy or a dictatorship.

We notice and we do care.”

What if…

In the U.S., few women hold powerful leadership roles in the public sphere. Some examples:  4% of Fortune 500 company CEOs are female; only 5 states have women governors; there are just 20 female Senators; and 23% of university presidents are women.

With such scarcity of women in power, I got to thinking. Does power corrupt, as Lord Acton famously wrote, in a gender neutral way?

It is hard to speculate with so few women in power but I do know this…  When I asked Main Street women to share what is important to them, their responses were overwhelmingly grounded upon empathy, compassion and connectedness. Their top five responses were:

  1. Social Justice/Equality & Civil Rights
  2. My Family & Friends
  3. Having a Higher Calling/Contributing to the Common Good
  4. Taking Personal Responsibility
  5. Tolerance, Civility & Kindness

So let’s imagine that women gain power, gain parity in the public sphere. Will power corrupt? Will ‘important person’ syndrome take hold? Specifically, will women’s expression of empathy for others change?

As always, love to learn from your vote and read your comments!

Your Voice

Anonymous so please be brutally honest! Aggregate responses may be used in The Flight Patterns of Superwomen.

Here’s what I really think…

Thanks for sharing your voice!

Have a burning question you want to ask? Feel free to tell me !