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Earlier this week a trusted colleague and I were mulling over next steps on a project we’ve undertaken. At the onset, we’d agreed to take incremental steps, to “fail fast” if our idea didn’t seem to resonate with others. Trouble is, once we invested—and put our intention out into the world publically—it immediately became difficult to let our idea (or at least our planned approach) go.
We’re both recovering Type A personalities. You know the kind, the work-til-you-drop, driven, competitive, irritatingly impatient types who have spent lots of life doing. Like a lot of us, it is ingrained that “quitting” means losing, that working harder is the answer. Weaning ourselves from being “Type As”—the kind of people at greater risk for a heart attack—isn’t easy. (How lucky I feel to have a partner in this change process!)
During our conversation about next steps, it dawned on us: ego might be driving our decision-making.
After a good giggle about our egos, we mutually decided to take a one week breather so that we could stop and reflect before taking any next step decisions. Reflection fodder for us—and you—here are five Wayne Dyer-inspired ego-taming tactics:
Let Being Right Go.
Ego is the source that pushes us in the direction of making other people wrong. Being right can mean that you’re in a state of almost constant conflict. Try stopping mid-conflict and ask yourself, “Do I want to be right or be happy?” Or, “Do I need to be right or have a good relationship?”
Let Being Offended Go.
That which offends you only weakens you. If you’re looking for occasions to be offended, you’ll find them literally at every turn. This might be your ego at work, convincing you that the world shouldn’t be the way it is. Make a choice to not be offended because the truth is, what another person is saying is likely more about them than about you. What a relief to acknowledge this and let go of being offended!
Let Reputation Control Go.
Have you heard of “sock puppets?” Sock puppets are fake personas commonly used by marketers to promote or tear down others on the internet. You know, the reviewers of services or goods that we’ve come to rely upon to make decisions—guess what, they’re not real. Neither is your reputation because it not located in you. It resides in the minds of others. You have no control over it at all. If you speak to 10 people, you will have 10 reputations. If you find yourself being overly concerned with how you’re going to be perceived by others, this is your ego at work.
Let Winning Go.
Ego loves to divide us up into winners and losers. The pursuit of winning is a surefire means to avoid mindfulness. Ultimately, winning is impossible all of the time. Someone out there will be faster, luckier, younger, stronger, and smarter. Back you’ll go to feeling worthless and insignificant if you let “winning” guide your thoughts, feelings and actions. Let winning go and make meaning what matters.
Let Yourself Have Wings.
“Do you know why angels can fly? Because they take themselves so lightly.” I read this recently—wow—I thought about how I have a tendency to get awfully serious, awfully quick. I’d love to blame this on law school (like I do most things) but the reality is, getting serious fast is usually when my ego is rearing its head. If you experience ego-dampening seriousness sometimes too, how about paying attention. When we start feeling that seriousness take hold, let’s visualize our wings and lighten up!
#PeaceHugs, #inCourageLeading — Jone
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