Showing Up Hungry?

I had an uncomfortable experience recently when, through the grapevine, I learned that a professional contact had mentioned to mutual colleagues that I didn’t seem to be “hungry enough.”

As sometimes happens (more often than I’d like) I reacted out of ego, “What? I show up hungry. I’m driven, I’m focused, I’m the hardest worker you’ll ever meet — blah blah blah – how on earth could he think I’m not hungry?”

My self-talk initially was pretty silly. I ran through a litany of all the things I’ve done to show up in the world hungry, like earning a law degree, learning a language other than English… Whoa. Where did this all come from? How much time am I going to waste on this?

Not a second more, was the choice I made. Yet, this did cause me to reflect upon how more and more women are approaching the way they show up in the world.

Women Stepping Off the Ladder

As one of the millions of American women who benefitted from the U.S. Women’s Movement, I grew up understanding that doors would equitably open if we got ourselves educated, worked really, really hard, and competed like mad in this man’s world. Truly, I bought into a bill of goods that said showing up “hungry” and backing it up with education and effort would result in monetary achievement and happiness too.

But also like millions of other women, including many of the Main Street Women I interviewed, I found that climbing the ‘American ladder’ wasn’t all it was promised to be, that the American Dream isn’t a static destination and we’re in a period of intense change where all bets are off. That in fact, the definition of success that seems to include 12+ hour work days and sacrificing family, self-reflection, health and our spiritual lives or values is what it may take in the U.S. to attain trappings of success – unless we make different choices.

Choosing to Leave. I was astonished to learn from incredibly intelligent, hard-working, educated and caring Main Street Women just how many had left their ‘ladder’ climbs. Of the 52 women I interviewed, many reported leaving corporate ranks, classrooms, law firms, nonprofits, the media/broadcast industry, and other ‘traditional’ hierarchical organizations.

Main Street Women “leavers” have launched their own businesses and find that they’re showing up in the world more authentically, with more drive and focus than they ever had before.

Wonderfully, I had the chance recently to highlight one such “leaver,” Marybeth Levine, in another blog. She’d told me about making a “left turn,” leaving Capitol Hill and her life plan to climb to Chief of Staff and more. She founded and leads a Diaper Bank that has distributed over 1.7 million diapers to needy families in Michigan. Her sincere wish for all girls (and her own boys) is to know that “leaving” — making the choice to change directions in life – is not only okay, it is to be encouraged, embraced and celebrated.

Today, almost half of the entrepreneurs in America are female. In the world, about one-third of entrepreneurial small business owners are women. I think it is time I shifted my language from “leaving” to “choosing something new,” don’t you?

Paying Greater Attention. I loved how one Maryland woman, Mary Bissell, described hitting her “Waterloo” in law school, a point when she realized that reality of the legal profession wasn’t in alignment with her values and vision for her life. Mary paid attention.

Today Mary’s Child Focus Partners (with her equally fabulous partner, Jennifer Miller) is all about the people, programs and policies needed to empower vulnerable children, youth and families nationwide. How inspiring that she paid attention before launching a ‘ladder climb’ that didn’t serve her. Instead, our nation’s families get her amazing service and I can tell you from personal experience what an extraordinary impact she and Jennifer have all across America’s Main Streets and in our nation’s capitol.

Distinguishing between real hunger and manufactured “hungry.” One thing that women seem to possess in spades is the ability to distinguish between ‘false hunger’ and the hunger that matters: hungry kids who can’t learn because they have no energy, no focus for anything except for that gnawing hunger.

I had to remind myself about this when my silly ego-talk kicked in about “hungry.”

As several Main Street Women said when asked what they’d do to immediately transform America – if I handed them a magic wand — wipe out child hunger . From Nebraska, Cyndi made it clear, “With my magic wand we’d have no more hungry children.” Ali in Hawaii went a little further, “I’d make it so that nobody is hungry. There is no reason to be hungry in America. So much goes to waste and there’s so much excess, it’s depressing.”

Heartfelt thanks to Main Street Women, your words and how you show up in the world keep me on track for how I want to show up in the world too. And, I’m grateful to the guy who triggered this reflection. He reminded me that my hunger has most definitely changed and that my ego-taming still needs work.

inCourage Recommendations

A Must-Read:  Former West Coast Deputy Chief Editor of Billboard Magazine , Melinda Newman’s phenomenal Cause & Effects:  My Year of Giving Daily http://causesandeffectmyyearofgivingdaily.blogspot.com/ is one thing I start each day with. Learn about her giving journey and other awesome adventures.

Maximize how your giving gets used. Marybeth Levine’s organization, Detroit Area Diaper Bank , uses 100% of your donations for buying diapers to distribute to our babies, elderly and disabled, please go to www.DetriotAreaDiaperBank.org to find out more.

Want to advocate for children? Learn about Mary and Jennifer’s child advocacy and strategic work with nonprofits, foundations and government agencies at www.childfocuspartners.com .

Want to address real hunger? Check out Share Our Strength’s www.NoKidHungry.org . They’re on a mission to end childhood hunger in America and September is “dine out” month. (I’m pretty sure that Cyndi and Ali would approve.)